Want to know the answer to the question, “Do I have good personal boundaries?” Then take a piece of paper and write the numbers 1-40 for this Self Improvement Quiz. Select the answer (never, seldom, occasionally, often, usually) trusting your first impulse answer. If you second guess yourself you are being dishonest. And that dishonesty could to be explored another time but for now second guessing can lower your self esteem and cause inner confusion. There is no perfect answer just do the best you can as you begin what could be your healing journey.
Answer using these words:
occasionally, often, usually, never, seldom.
• I feel responsible for others’ feelings.
• I don’t have much alone time.
• I get angry or irritated with others.
• I’d rather go along with others than say what I want to do.
• I feel guilty or bad for being so different from others.
• I feel anxious, fearful, or stressed.
• I feel good.
• I have a difficult time knowing what I feel.
• I’d rather help another than take care of myself.
• Others’ opinions and beliefs are more important than my own.
• Others use or take my things without asking.
• I am uncomfortable asking for what I want or need.
• I can’t decide about things.
• I find it hard to say no to people.
• I feel my happiness depends on others.
• I am uncomfortable looking others in the eyes.
• I find I get involved with others who end up hurting me in some way.
• I tend to trust others right off.
• I see myself tending to get involved with those that are bad for me.
• It is difficult for me to make decisions.
• It is difficult for me to keep a confidence or secret that is shared with me.
• I tend to get caught up and in the middle of other people’s problems.
• If someone I am with in public acts up, I feel embarrassed.
• I lend others money and don’t get it back on time.
• Some never pay me back.
• I feel ashamed or embarrassed.
• I spend most of my time helping others and I don’t tend to my wants or needs.I feel empty in life like something is missing.
• I feel hurt.
• I react and I am sensitive to criticism.
• I tend to be loyal in relationships even though I am being hurt.
• I feel sad.
• I tend to feel what others are feeling or take those feeling on myself.
• I tend to take on the moods of those close to me.
• It’s difficult for me to know what I believe or think.
• I feel my happiness depends on things outside myself.
• It is not easy for me to know in my heart my relationship with a Higher Power or God as I know it.
• I want to rely on what others believe about spiritual or religious matters.
• I feel I put more into relationships than I receive from those relationships.
• My friends or acquaintances have a hard time keeping secrets or confidences which I share with them.
Does this sound familiar? Your life is so chaotic and no one in your family appreciates what you do. You are criticized instead of appreciated. Your feelings are received with comments like, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” You eat whenever you can and overeating even bingeing has become a habit. What is chosen here is the value of chaos with no boundaries for your health and nourishing yourself.
Your relationship with yourself could be in chaos too. So let’s begin by defining a boundary or a limit. Think of it this way as how far you or another can go in a relationship and still be comfortable. The key here is to know when you are uncomfortable and have enough self-esteem to decide to limit in some way. Knowing who you are begins with your boundaries or limits. As you state your boundaries to others you can then sort out who is safe and who is not by the way another either respects your boundaries or does not.
The forty Self Help Quiz Questions you answered can help you to begin to know your boundaries or limits. If you have answered never, or usually, to many of the above questions you may find it useful to continue exploring a healing journey that includes a 12 step group experience or a therapist. The outcome of doing a healing journey is a feeling of freedom and peace. I know from a personal healing journey it is worth it.